ugghhghghghg i'm getting sick.  i can feel it.  i couldn't sleep last night; not in the normal way when i'm talking to someone or i'm watching a movie or something -- i just lay in my bed and thought about how awful i felt.

then when i finally got to sleep i had a sex dream about paris hilton.  it was was pretty lifeless & boring (duh).

anyways, i'm real sad & emotional lately!  i'm a mess, did you know that?  it's like harvey pekar says, "the more i thought, the more i felt like crying. life seemed so sweet and so sad, and so hard to let go of in the end. but hey, man, every day is a brand new deal, right? just keep on working and something's bound to turn up."

ways my mom is really neat:

- sends me warm e-mails telling me to go to magic pony and buy marcel dzama ghostie salt shakers (your mom doesn't know what magic pony is)

- makes fun of me for spending all my money on expensive books, then offers to pay when i tell her "you made me like this"

- wrote a screenplay for a david cronenberg film (that no one, including her, ever saw, but still...YOU haven't done that, have you?)

- has a campbell's soup label signed by andy warhol which she hangs above the stove in the kitchen

- makes me feel like a good person

(by valerie phillips... sigh)

... and so, the job search continues, slowly and fruitlessly.

hey, I'M artist...ly inclined, right ?!

i'm also considering an opening in a chicken slaughterhouse. on the one hand, i cry if i see a hurt animal; but then again, i could casually drop that i'm an eviscerator at cocktail parties.

who says hamilton isn't a land of opportunity !

truth be told, i'm not very motivated to find work since i'm moving in a few months anyway. in desperation, i've basically tried to bribe myself into getting a job with the promise of a special gift from myself, to myself.

-

silver petal ring from etsy

-

hand-crafted tooled leather bag by duonocturne (i've wanted a tooled leather bag since forever, and i love that the shape of this is so updated & roomy)

-

vanessa da silva printed dress

- a new dvd drive for my computer (most practical and most likely)

i made a belated new year's resolution yesterday to read 100 books in 2007. so far i think i've only read laughable loves (milan kundera), les enfants terrible (jean cocteau) and wuthering heights (duh), so i gotta get crack-a-lackin' (... also, i think i need to brush up on my ebonics because i'm pretty sure that doesn't mean what i think it does). i don't think i'll actually read that many books this year, but i do love to indulge my obsession with list-making, so here goes:

reading list:

- finish cosmicomics by italo calvino

- conversations with professor y  by celine

- decline and fall by evelyn waugh

- candide by voltaire

- gravity's rainbow by thomas pynchon

- the invisible man by ralph ellison

- suggestions ???

i just want to be really, really well-read, because at the end of the day all i really am is an insufferable know-it-all.

b) a native man, bordering on his early forties, cornered me in a bus shelter and told me his story of how he had just flown in from vancouver, first class (and with champagne, even!), and was going into his fourth year at mcmaster for psychology.  he was a sneaky one, thinking i wouldn't notice the overwhelming stench of cheap rum or the fact that he hadn't showered for weeks!

c) a man came running after me and exclaimed, "wait, miss, where are you from?" "...canada?" i replied hesitantly, "oh, you see, i thought you were european."  then sven (his name probably wasn't sven but it was something very russian nonetheless) kissed my hand and told me i had "aristocratic hands, those long fingers and slender wrists." and even though i suspected he really just wanted to take me down a back alley and give it to me bolshevik style, it was quite charming.  then i ran away.